Craft and Confidence

You’re here because you are looking for ways to build confidence and I have one way for you to do it.

I don’t have a list of 8 things you can do right now to feel more confident immediately.

I have one way.

Why?

Because it’s the way I believe works for building confidence for anyone. I’ve seen it work for myself, my children and in many of the adult students I work with on a daily basis as a Community Manager for Dare to Conquer.

The One Way To Build Confidence that Will Work

Ok, so what’s the special trick? You want to know, right? That’s why you’re here.

There is no special trick. Sorry.

The one thing I’ve seen work to build confidence is simply doing things.

It almost doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you pick something and give it a try.

My daughter, as an example, is a pitcher for her High School varsity softball team. She’s a Freshman. She’s very good. She’s not great yet, but she’s good enough that she was chosen to play varsity.

She didn’t start off very good and she didn’t start off confident. She started off so riddled with anxiety that she used to cry on her way to have her at bat.

But she had some natural ability for pitching and has gotten to where she is now simply by “doing it”. Pitching often. In practice, in games and with her pitching coach.

She didn’t sit down and read about pitching and she didn’t watch Youtube videos about pitching. She did it. She pitched. A lot, until she started to get good.

Then she kept doing it and she got even better.

What We Learn from Doing Things

Do you see what my daughter is learning by doing things? She’s learning that you can get better. She’s learning that practice builds skills.

She’s learning that she can do something that she didn’t think she could.

She’s learning what it feels like to be good at something and feel proud of her accomplishment.

I know, it’s softball, what’s the big deal, right?

Building a Well of Confidence

The big deal is that she’s creating a well of confidence that she can draw from in every other thing she does in her life.

Because once you have accomplished something, two things change.

• You understand that you are capable of doing something that initially you weren’t so sure you could do. The next time you’re not so sure about yourself, you can look back at this accomplishment and remember you can do difficult things.
• You feel proud of yourself and your accomplishment. That is a feeling you will crave and it will push you to try more things.

But Does This Work Outside of Sports?

I have an amazing job as a Community Manager at Dare to Conquer where I get to work with students from all over the world, all walks of life, all ages and all abilities. Every student is working toward making a business they love and that will bring them financial independence.

They are doing hard work.

The great majority of them are women and the great majority of those women have something in common.

They don’t trust themselves to succeed.

That’s sad. It hurts to even write that. Even I am like that in many ways.

They come to the school because there is a little burning light inside of them that is telling them they have something to offer the world. And I’m pretty sure that light terrifies them.

I can tell in the questions that they ask.

“Is this a good idea?”

“Should I do A or B?”

“Is this going to even be worth my time?”

“How is what I do going to stand out against what everyone else does?”

I don’t have great answers to any of those questions. But, I know that if they trusted themselves, if they had that well of confidence, they wouldn’t need to ask them.

They’d just do the things and see what happened. Because, like my daughter, they would know that asking questions, watching Youtube videos and reading blog posts, doesn’t help answer any of those questions.

You have to do something.

When you do something, you can see an actual result. Either, Awesome! It worked. Or, Shoot, that didn’t work.

If it didn’t work, that’s ok, you’ll have learned something about whatever you chose to do. And you’ll be able to make a better decision on the next thing.

If it DOES work, though?

You will swell with pride. You will get a surge of adrenaline. It will feel awesome.

And you’ll want to do it again.

Not only will you want to do it again, but when it comes time to try another new thing, you’ll think back to that success and remember, I did that other difficult thing.

I can do this, too.

You might not have a well to draw from yet, but you’ll have a puddle to sip from. And the next success will fill your well a little more.

Ok, Fine, But What Should You Do?

You can do almost anything that is a little bit more difficult than what you usually do and that will make you step just a hair outside your comfort zone.

You could take a class. Or join the gym. Take up bowling.

For me, I do crafts.

There’s something about making things, even simple things like crafts that fills that space in me that wants to be creative.

I’m not an artist and I don’t have a particular skill, but I have a little patience and I enjoy the “in the zone” feeling I get when I’m deep in thought trying to figure out the best way to do something.

I also really love the feeling when I’ve finished a project and it came out great. That’s a great feeling.

I took a pile of clay and made a dish for my rings.

That dish didn’t exist until I formed it with my own hands. That works for me. That fills my well a little.

But let’s be real for a second. I really love it when someone comes over to the house and says:

What a cute dish! Where’d you get it?

And then I say:

Oh, thanks, I made it!

That really makes me happy. I made something useful and pretty.

And someone else wants one.

But let’s back up for a second and walk through the whole crafting thing from the beginning.

My projects nearly always begin on Pinterest. I’ll be scrolling through the feed, and something will catch my eye.

A macrame keyring.

A paper flower arrangement.

Something that is all of the things that I love about crafts. It’s easy, it’s useful and it looks like something that would be fun to make. I pin it to my board.

And what used to happen is that I would have this amazing Pinterest board with crafts that I wanted to make.

But I never did. And that is a problem. Here’s why it’s a problem.

When you don’t do things, you don’t fill your confidence well.

In fact, you drain it a little. Because then you go back to that Pinterest board with all of the cool crafts and you don’t feel a sense of accomplishment.

Exactly the opposite, you feel like a bit of a failure.

I wanted to do those things, but I didn’t. I didn’t find the time, I didn’t think I was capable, I didn’t think there was enough value in it. Not a good return on my time investment.

That’s the failure.

When I find all of the excuses to not try the things that I want to try. I give up on myself. I look at that Cute Crafts Board on Pinterest and there is the vague feeling of disappointment.

With a touch of jealousy for the women who do take the time, believe they are capable and see the value in spending that time and effort on themselves.

You see?

Now here’s what happens when I do follow through and actually make one of those projects that I pinned.

I anxiously await the Amazon delivery with the supplies that I need. A little like a kid on Christmas, but you know, mature.

The box arrives and I sit myself down to make the thing. The actual making part is my favorite.

I like to figure things out. I used to love to untangle necklaces when I was a kid.

I like that intense concentration, that in the zone feeling when everything else falls away.

Sometimes the thing comes out great. Sometimes it comes out terrible. Obviously comes out great is the optimal outcome here, but there’s something to be said for comes out terrible, too.

When it comes out terrible, here’s what happens.

I get annoyed.

And I probably toss the thing to the side and think, that was a waste. Why do I even bother? I’ll never get those 30 minutes back.

And then I get a little itch in the back of my mind. It’s just a shade of a thought that flashes through my brain “Oh, but I probably needed to… That’s why it didn’t come out right.”

And now that project has wedged it’s way into my head and I have no choice but to try it again. And most of the time it comes out right the next time.

And that’s a double dose into my confidence well.

I tried something. I messed it up, but I believed enough in my abilities to try it again.

You see what I’m saying? It’s just a marbled clay ring dish, but I’ve taught myself a little thing about myself.

I’m resilient. I’ll try again if I mess up. I’m not going to give up just because I didn’t do it right the first time.

And so that brings us back to what you came here for in the first place.

I’ve got confidence in myself. Because I tried something I wasn’t sure I could do. And I either accomplished it or, almost even better, I didn’t, but I tried again.

It’s like when a baseball player hits off a tee. It’s not as hard as hitting a 90 mile an hour fastball in the World Series. But it’s the same motion. It’s creating muscle memory for when he is in the World Series.

Hitting off the tee fills his well of confidence.

Doing something, like making crafts, does the same thing. You’ll be more ready for the important moments because you practiced.

You filled your well.

You built confidence.

If this meant something to you, I would love it if you shared it.

You have no idea what it took me to make these macrame keychains.

I’m not telling you that making them is difficult. I’m not saying that the materials are hard to find.

They are crazy easy to make and you can get everything you need delivered right to your door from Amazon.

You can make these adorable Macrame Keychains yourself in less than 30 minutes once you’ve got the knots down pat. And you’ll have those down pat in no time.

So What is My Problem?

The problem for me with these keychains is that they are the first project I’m sharing on Craft and Confidence and that scares me into a frozen puddle.

Here’s a bit more on that image of me as a frozen puddle.

At first I was anxious about starting this new project where I talk about making crafts and how I feel that can help you build confidence in other areas of your life.

That was me as a liquid puddle. Anxious, but excited because I’d gotten amazing feedback on this idea and on this post about How to Build Confidence from my mentor whose advice I trust implicitly.

So, normal type of anxious in this phase.

Then I started to get cold. A shiver rang through me when I thought about making the craft, making videos of it, taking pictures, writing tutorials and generally starting from scratch with this whole thing.

And that’s when I start to freeze.

I think about how badly I want it to work right. And how it scares me to tears every time I think about the possibility of it failing.

How am I going to help anyone with confidence when I’m scared? I can’t do anything in this state.

I’m using the image of a frozen puddle because I am frozen. Unable to take action. So scared I can’t move myself to just try and get started.

So instead of making the video and taking the pictures and writing the tutorial, I’m starting with just these words. Because they are less scary for me.

And because the point of this is more than just “How to Make a Macrame Keychain in 30 Minutes or Less”.

The point of this is that I believe that in learning new things like how to make a macrame keychain in 30 minutes or less, I think that you are also learning that you are capable of doing other things you didn’t think you could do.

And for me, that is the definition of what is confidence.

If you’re just here for the Macrame Tutorial, go on ahead and get started on it. Whether you read my thoughts on confidence doesn’t really matter, you’re going to build confidence just by the making of the keychains either way.

But I’d love it if you started here and read about why I’m doing this thing. Why I’ve created this strange marriage of Craft and Confidence.

Macrame Keychain Tutorials

My goal with these keychains is to teach the simplest of the Macrame knots which you can then apply to bigger projects.

So, this is like a Macrame appetizer platter, if you will.

Macrame Three Ways.

Materials for Macrame Keychains

Macrame Cord

Keychain Holder thingie (I used the one I already had my car keys on)

Scissors

Tape measure or ruler

Some Wooden Beads

Duct Tape

A comb (optional) (and the old school kind they used to give you on class picture day is perfect)

Instructions

We’re going to learn the square knot on this one. The square knot you’ll end up using a lot if you continue on this macrame journey, but do not worry. It’s super simple.

Step 1

Cut two 50 inch pieces of Macrame Cord. I do this by measuring 10 inches of cord and then measuring the rest against that 4 more times til I have 50 inches. It doesn’t have to be scientifically perfect 50 inches, ok?

Here’s what that looks like:

Step 2

Most of the time when you macrame, you are going to fold your cords in half. We are not doing that this time. We are folding one side over so that the short side is about 1/3 the size of the long size.

I’m terrible at explaining anything math related, so just look at the picture, it will make FAR more sense, I promise.

Here’s what that looks like:

Step 3

Attach the cords to your keychain. You will do this with a Lark’s Head Knot.

I do not know why it is called that. If that is what a Lark’s Head looks like, then that is a bird I have not seen in the wild ever before. It is a very easy knot to make though.

You are going to grab the folded end of your cord, lay it over the bottom of your keychain, making sure that the short ends are in the middle and then pull the rest of the cord through the loop as you’ll see below in this video.

You’ve just made your first Macrame knot! Now repeat that step with the other piece of cord.

Use a piece of duct tape to secure your keychain to your work surface.

Step 4

We’re going to make this keychain out of Square Knots. I’m going to warn you, there might be a few moments where you want to strangle me until you feel comfortable with this knot.

DO NOT GIVE UP

This isn’t hard, it only feels hard because you don’t know how yet.

You now have 4 pieces of string in front of you, two long strings on the outside and two short ones in the middle, all attached to your key chain holder which you have taped to your work surface with some duct tape.

You’re going to start on the right.

Cross the far right cord over the two middle cords. It will look like a four.

Take the far left cord and lay it over the cord you just made the four with.

Take the far left cord and pull it underneath the two middle cords and THROUGH the opening of the four.

Tie the knot by pulling upwards on the two outside cords. You will need to pull the two middle cords downward as you go so that they don’t bunch up.

Repeat the same process but this time starting with the left hand side.

I know reading that sounds ridiculous which is exactly why I made a video as much as I didn’t want to make a video.

Step 5

Keep going with the Square knots til the keychain is about half way as long as you want it to be. Or longer.

Basically when you are at a place on your keychain where you think you might like to add a wooden bead, stop and take your wooden bead and feed it onto the two middle strings.

Then continue with your square knots.

Step 6

When you have your keychain at the desired length, you can tie off the bottom with a good old regular knot.

If you like the frayed edges look, you can achieve this by combing through the macrame cord with a small comb.

Half Square Knot Macrame Keychain

This next one is sort of easier than the first one!

I say sort of because it gets it kind of fights you a little as you go, but don’t worry, you’re going to win this fight.

The Half Square Knot starts the same as the Square Knot.

Step 1

Start just as you did the Square Knot keychain. Cut off two pieces of 50 inch cord, fold each so that one side is about 1/3 the length of the other. Attach the two pieces to your key ring with a Lark’s Head Knot.

Step 2

This time, instead of alternating sides with the Square Knot, you are going to start on the same side every time.

So begin your square knot just as you did on the right side, but instead of switching over to the left, continue making knots with the right.

Soon you’ll see your keychain wants to start to twist.

This is what I meant when I said it wants to fight you little. You have to make sure you’re staying on the same side even as the cord is trying to twist and confuse you.

Ok, that makes it sound like a psychological battle between you and some cord. It’s not hard. It’s just some cord, after all.

Here’s the video so you see I won the battle without breaking a sweat.

Step 3

If you would like to add a wooden bead to this one, the process is still the same. Stop when you get to a place you would like the bead to be, string it up the middle two cords and then continue with your half square knots.

Step 4

Finish off your keychain just as we did previously with a couple of knots and, if you like, fray the ends with a comb.

Hitch Knot Macrame Keychain

This next one is a very simple knot. It’s one of those things that is so simple that it might make you think you’re doing it wrong.

I did this several times as I was trying to learn it. It’s called “overcomplicating” and I am occasionally a pro at it.

Just trust that this is indeed simple and follow along with me, ok?

Step 1

You are again going to cut off 2 pieces of 50 inch cord. This time however! You are going to fold in two equal halves, not 1/3 and 2/3’s as we have done previously. Two equal halves and then attach to your key ring with the Larks Head Knot.

Step 2

You have 4 pieces of cord in front of you, all equal lengths. Starting on either the far left or the far right, your choice, lay the first cord over the other three.

Take the second cord and loop it over the first cord, shimmy the little loop/knot you’ve just made snugly up the first cord and then repeat this process a second time with the same cord (the 2nd one).

Now do the same with the third cord and so on.

Don’t worry, here’s the video:

Step 3

You are going to repeat this process but this time starting from the other side.

Continue this process until you have a keychain length that you love.

Step 4

Finish off this keychain as we have the other. A couple of regular knots at the bottom and then fray the cord if you are into fraying.

Now You Can!

Hopefully by the time you are done here you’ve made a few Macrame keychains.

I know.

They are just keychains. Why do I feel like this is more important than it’s function of holding your keys for you?

For a few reasons. You didn’t know you could Macrame before you got here. You might have at some point in my tutorials thought things like,

Why am I bothering with this? I could have driven to the store and bought one by now!

or

I can’t figure this out. Her tutorial is awful. I quit.

But then you kept going because you wanted to make these. And you wanted to figure it out. So you fought through the frustration and you did it.

That’s a good feeling and it’s practice. It’s building you up a little for when you have to do something really hard.

It’s how you become resilient.

Also, the other reason is that you made something. You took that skein of cord and you tied it into a keychain. It didn’t exist before your hands formed it.

I think that’s special. I hope you do, too.

I’m a blogger. Or that’s one thing that I am. Usually when a blogger writes a blog post, she starts with some research.

I’m skipping that step and just writing this post about What is Confidence from my own head. I’ll go back after and research and see if I know what I’m talking about, but for now it’s just my thoughts on What is Confidence.

Sound good?

Ok.

It’s Just Learning That You Can

The reason I have the confidence to write this post from my head is because I already wrote this one about How to Build Confidence right from my head.

When I wrote that one though, I did start with some research.

I searched the topic on Google, started reading some articles and didn’t really love anything that I read. A little voice in my brain said:

You can do better than any of these.

So I listened to that voice and I just wrote it. From my own experience and from the heart. I hope it helps someone.

I could have chosen to not listen to that voice.

I could have listened to all of the other voices in my head that said:

You don’t know what you’re talking about. Confidence is like, a psychological thing, you need a degree to even TALK about it. Why don’t you just quit, anyway?

If you don’t research the hell out of this you are going to sound stupid and no one will ever want to read what you write ever again. Like, ever.

You are an anxious disaster. Often. Is this a joke? You’re going to write about confidence?

None of that commentary is necessarily false. There’s truth in each of those statements.

I could have listened to any of those three voices in my head and either quit (I almost did. Almost do, all the time) or I could have researched the hell out of the post and probably ended up convincing myself that I believed what most of those other mediocre posts said.

But I listened to the quiet voice that said I could do better.

Did I? Did I do better? I think so. You can go read it and come back and tell me if you think I’m wrong.

And Now I Know I Can

Because I listened to that quiet voice telling me I could do it, I learned that I could sit down and write, from my own experience, and help somebody.

If I had listened to those other voices and quit or written a mediocre article based on all of the other mediocre articles I read, I would not have learned that.

I would be sitting here writing another blah post or worse, I wouldn’t be sitting here writing at all because I quit.

So What Is Confidence, Then?

What I’m telling you is that confidence is just allowing yourself to learn that you can.

Can what?

You can…whatever!

How many times have you heard a person say:

I always wanted to…

Worse, how many times have you said it?

If you haven’t learned that thing that you’ve always wanted to, there are two reasons.

1. You never really wanted to, it just sounds cool to say “I always wanted to learn to play guitar”.
2. You didn’t really believe you could learn to do the thing you always wanted to do so you never even tried.

I bet that most people fall into the 2nd category.

The second category is sometimes called “The Comfort Zone” and it is where confidence goes to die and get buried.

It dies when you listen to that voice that tells you not to try something new. It gets buried when you don’t learn the lesson that you are capable of doing things you didn’t think you could.

Confidence happens when you do try that new thing, practice at it and eventually get better at it.

That’s what confidence is. It’s that knowing in your heart that you can do difficult things because you have done it before.

But What About When I Try and Fail?

Trying something new seems contradictory to being confident because I think most people think that trying something and failing is bad for your confidence.

You hear all the time:

He lost. It broke his confidence.

I don’t buy that. A loss, a failure, is a set back, of course. And it should hurt. But it shouldn’t break your confidence.

It should put a little needle in your heart that pricks you into action every time you think about giving up on practicing your skill.

Confidence isn’t broken so easily. Because it’s built like a wall, with bricks. Everytime you try something new and walk a little outside of your Comfort Zone, you put another brick in your wall.

And once the wall is built, one brick lost doesn’t destroy it.

Confidence: You Know It When you See It?

You’ve heard the confidence quotes about how confidence is sexy or that you can see how confident a person is by the way they walk into a room.

That’s not confidence to me.

Quiet people with their heads down can be confident. And I’ve never understood the correlation between sexy and confident. Or confident and sexy?

Why are they even in the same sentence?

That’s probably a topic for another post, but, my point is, I don’t think you can always tell a confident person based on their appearance.

I mean, lots of times you can.

But also, sometimes, what you’re seeing is bravado or arrogance. A chest puffed out or a confident smile is often a costume, I think. It’s a show that people put on for the rest of the world that says:

LOOK HOW CONFIDENT I AM!

I also can’t help but feel that linking confidence to someone’s outward appearance means that only the attractive people can be confident. And that can’t be right.

I won’t allow it.

So instead of looking at their outward appearance when we’re trying decide if a person is confident, let’s look at what they do.

• Do they offer their opinion in a conversation? Even if it’s different than yours?
• Do they look comfortable sitting alone? Or, do they go over and sit with the person who is not looking comfortable sitting alone?
• Do they listen intently when someone else is speaking with the hope that they may learn something from that person?
• Do they sometimes say no, kindly, to a request like, Can you make 147 cupcakes for the bake sale tomorrow?
• Do they walk toward new things? A class that will teach them to sew? A person who is new to town? A challenge like raising money or awareness for their favorite charity?

The people who do those things, they are the confident ones. That’s what confidence is. It’s allowing yourself the opportunity to do something you didn’t think you could so that you learn that you can.

How Did I Do?

Ok, I said I would go out and do some research when I was done to see if I know anything at all about confidence.

I read some articles and found a couple of definitions.

-the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust.

-the dictionary

Confidence can be described as a belief in one’s self and one’s ability to succeed. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/confidence

-Psychology Today

Here’s how you know I have some confidence. I have a problem with the way both the dictionary AND Psychology Today define Confidence and I’m going to share my opinion on that.

Even though they are clearly authorities here.

The problem that I have is that they both define Confidence as a belief.

Confidence isn’t a belief, in my opinion. It’s a knowing. Knowing that you can do difficult things that might make you uncomfortable at first because you tried it before and you did it.

You learned a new thing, you overcame a challenge or you met a new person. Even though it would have been easier to stay in your Comfort Zone (remember? that’s the place where Confidence goes to die and get buried).

What Does It All Mean?

Now that you know that Confidence is about learning that you can do difficult things, you have a big responsibility.

Because my definition of confidence puts you in charge. Next time you hear yourself say:

I always wanted to…

Think about this article you just read and decide. Are you going to stay in “The Comfort Zone” or are you going to try and teach yourself something?

If you’re ready to try something new, but you don’t know what to try, why not try a Craft? It’s how I practice building confidence.

If this meant something to you, I would love it if you shared it.

Confidence can be hard to pin down. Sometimes it’s there and sometimes it isn’t. A little reminder in the form of a quote that you’ve memorized or hung on your wall can help.

Not all confidence quotes are created equal, though. Some of them are right on and some of them are bullsh*t. I’m here to sort those out.

The Confidence Quotes that Are Right On

These are the confidence quotes you should think about when you are feeling like maybe you can’t do that thing you want to do. They have the right idea behind them. Let me explain.

If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.

–Vincent Van Gogh

We all have that voice, don’t we? Who is it? It is coming from inside of us, so we can’t really blame anyone else for it.

We can only ignore it, right? It’s not like a person on the street is saying, “HA! You can’t PAINT!”. And we can turn and say, “SHUT UP! I CAN SO!”.

I mean, you could do that, I guess, but it would be a little weird and you’d need a mirror. It’s just awkward.

So, like Vincent says, ignore that little mite that is so negative inside of you and paint anyway. And when it tells you, “Ok, you can paint, but you stink at it”, you can keep practicing and silence that voice forever.

Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.

— Golda Meir

There are so many things I love about this quote. I love that it says “Make”. Because every day you wake up and you make your Self.

You get up and you try something new and you make your Self more confident.

Or, you get up and shy away from challenges and you make your Self more timid.

I love that it uses sparks and flames as the images for building confidence. Because that’s how you build confidence. You start small and build.

You fill your well, a drop at a time, sometimes.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
– Eleanor Roosevelt

You might not like this one very much. But I have to tell you.

A lot of the times, (not always, not when we’re talking about an abusive situation) when someone puts you down about something and you feel bad about it, it’s usually because you already sort of knew that that was something you weren’t very good at.

If someone said to me, “You are terrible at writing. You’re such a bore”, it wouldn’t bother me in the least.

I’m aware no one says things like this out loud and that it’s going to be strange to read, but, I know I write well. I know I’m not boring. I’m confident in both of those things.

So the jerk who said I’m terrible and that I’m boring, doesn’t bother me in the least.

If, however, someone said, “You should do better at cleaning your house”.

That would cut me a little. Cause I am TERRIBLE at that and I should be trying harder at it. But I hate it.

So, I’ve allowed that person to make me feel bad because I know they are a little right. Ok, a lot right in this situation.

Argue for your limitations and, sure enough, they’re yours.

— Richard Bach

If you’re reading this sequentially and not just skipping to the quotes you like, then you are going to say, “Wait, you JUST did this in the last paragraph!”.

I did. I just talked about what a crap housekeeper I am in the last paragraph. I argued my own limitation.

I wasn’t trying to prove a point, I am really a crap housekeeper. And see, I keep doing it.

Sometimes people will do even worse than what I did, which was just admitting outloud that I’m bad at something.

Sometimes someone compliments us, “Oh, that’s such a pretty wreath!”

And we say, “Oh, but I put too much hot glue here, and the colors aren’t exactly what I hoped”. We actively convince them that they are wrong, it’s not a pretty wreath, it’s completely messed up.

Instead, of just saying, “Oh, thanks!”

It’s kind of crazy, isn’t it? It’s even a little insulting to the person who paid you a compliment.

Confidence is when you believe in yourself and your abilities, arrogance is when you think you are better than others and act accordingly.
— Stewart Stafford

After I just said that I know I’m a good writer and that I’m not boring, just a few short paragraphs ago, you might have thought, “What an arrogant a-hole!”.

I’m not arrogant. I said that because I do have confidence in my abilities. It’s something I can do well and I believe with my whole heart that there is nothing wrong with talking about what you are good at.

I do not, however, think I’m special or better than anyone else. I know that each of has some special something inside of us. And I don’t think there’s a thing wrong with sharing that.

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.

— Dale Carnegie

Do you ever get that frozen feeling? You know have to do something, but you can’t bring yourself to do it?

As a blogger, I get that feeling all the time. I want to try something new, but I’m not quite sure how. So I think about it. A lot. Too much. If I had just tried the thing I would have figured out how it works in less time than I took to think about it.

As a mother, too. I see an opportunity for one of my kids, but I sometimes get stuck in the “But is this the right thing for them?” mode of thinking.

But most of the time, it’s by doing things that we get answers. And that’s where the doubt and fear come from, right?

From not knowing what the answer is? The outcome?

Sometimes you just have to go out and try things.

Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained. – Marie Curie

There are two important things here.

• Perseverence
• Gifted

They should be in opposite order, really. We are all gifted with something. But I think a lot of people never realize that. Or figure out what their gift is.

If you try something and give up after your first fail, if you don’t persevere, you never really will know how well that might have gone for you.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. – Marianne Williamson

When we’re kids we’re taught not to brag. Not to be a show off.

I’ve never bought into that. Ever. Not then, when I was a kid and not now.

I think the no bragging rule was written by someone who was insecure and didn’t know they had their own light to shine.

If that’s you, go find your light! There’s plenty of room for you!

Don’t you dare, for one more second, surround yourself with people who are not aware of the greatness that you are. – Jo Blackwell-Preston

Jo Blackwell-Preston, I couldn’t agree more. And not because I think that you should surround yourself with people who tell you how awesome you are all the time.

I think that you need to be surrounded by people that you KNOW think you’re awesome so that when they do kindly give you negative feedback, you know unequivocally that it is coming from a place of love.

…and the Confidence Quotes that are Bullsh*t

“Confidence is everything. Confidence is what makes that simple white tee and jeans look good.” – Ciara

There’s this thing about confidence being sexy or somehow making you more attractive.

I don’t get it. Sorry, Ciara.

You don’t let off a scent when you have confidence. I think the point is more that you recognize that other people are noticing you and because you’re confident, you understand that it is in fact because you look good.

If you lack confidence, I think two things happen.

1. You don’t even notice other people noticing you.
2. You do notice and assume you have something stuck in your teeth.

“Confidence is a very fragile thing.” – Joe Montana

No, Joe! Exactly the opposite in fact.

It’s resilient! So resilient because it has been built on trying and failing and finally succeeding.

If you fail and it breaks you and you give up, you didn’t have confidence in the first place.

Try, fail, try again, now you’re filling your confidence well.

“Sometimes, if you fake confidence long enough, you’re going to be confident.” – Elle King

Elle, you’re sort of right. Except why call it faking? I think it’s more like practicing.

Like, in Taxi Driver, Deniro saying to himself in the mirror “You talkin to me?”

He’s warming up. Getting ready for the big moment.

“Confidence isn’t optimism or pessimism, and it’s not a character attribute. It’s the expectation of a positive outcome.” – Rosabeth Moss Kanter

I appreciate the sentiment here, but I don’t think you necessarily have to have the expectation of a positive outcome.

I think that a confident person understands that there is the possibility of a negative outcome, but they are going to try anyway.

Because they know that most failures are just the start of a journey to success.

How do they know this? Because they’ve done it before. They’ve tried, failed and tried again.

But What Does it All Mean?

Confidence is built one small bit at a time. The more you do, the more you try, the more you come back after a failure, the deeper that well of confidence will be for you.

And you should practice at it. You don’t have to go big. Start just outside your comfort zone.

I make things to practice building my confidence.

Like this:

If making things sounds like a fun way to build confidence, you should try it!

If this meant something to you, I would love it if you shared it.